One Year

One year. It is one year to the day I have written here. It's amazing to see that the last blog I wrote still describes my life at times. I recently went on a vacation to the Bahamas with my mother, and had an amazing time. Since coming back, God has blessed me with a slow week. Work, then a day off, then a 4 hour class. Providing spare time with which I can 'catch up on life' as it were. Go through papers, do laundry, unpack, send emails. Write a blog. It's amazing how good it feels to have time. Before our vacation, I was constantly running, from work to holiday things to family times and everything in between. The gym also. So now it feels very good to have time.
I would also like to report that since my last blog I have lost approximately 25 pounds. I would like to thank Jesus, weight watchers, and grapes. I love grapes. While on vacation, walking around in a swimsuit, I was pleased to note that I did not feel self conscious, or worried about what my body looked like. And that in itself is enough reason for me to continue to be healthy.
Lastly, but certainly not least, my hunger for worship, and growing in musical skill has increased as of late. To play guitar more proficiently, to sing well, and to worship Jesus with my whole heart is what I want to grow in this year, among other things. It seems as though this season of my life is a time of learning, in every area. Nursing, friendships, music, worship, teaching children, etc. My pride has taken a huge hit (thank the Lord), and so has my self esteem. Which is interesting. Apparently my self esteem derives its value from what I am able to do well, and what I know. Now placed in a position where I do not know much, and cannot perform skills I don't know well, I realize that my self esteem and value needs to be centered in something else, or rather someone else. Perhaps the love of an all-knowing, always present, holy friendly God can fill the space :P To quote one of my favorite books,

"Wherever I go I know God's Never Stopping Never Giving Up Unbreaking Always and Forever Love will go too!"
                                   -The Jesus Storybook Bible

Rest Rambling

Rest is a funny thing. You crave it when you're tired. Turn your nose up at it when you're a child. Embrace it when you're in college, though you rarely get it. And then when you work full time, you desire time that isn't full. You yearn for it like air, food, water, warmth. At least I know I do.
My vacation from work started saturday. Since being in Texas, it's taken at least two full days for me to realize, it's ok to rest. To feel satisfied, and ok, with time that isn't full of work. My body, soul, lifestyle, is so used to go go go! If you're not going, you're not living! And thats bad! You know, it's so interesting living with someone who is retired. It gives perspective on the modus operandi, if you will, of different people and their lifestyles. The retired person enjoys life, moving seemingly slow through it. They do not rush to work and then rush home to eat and then rush to an evening function or obligation. Their lifestyle is more simple. The working woman does sprint through life it seems. Work, home, friends, shopping. I only say this because I do. Why? Simply the lifestyle of the times? Of the country? Is it something I can escape? Is it something I can discipline out of my life? Is it a mindset? I've also seen people who live fairly simple lives remain busy in their mind and emotions, with worry or discontent. Which is my lot? How do I choose? How can I manipulate my circumstances, or change my mindset, to be the resting sort? The sort that moves steadily through life, not fast, not slow, with the preconceived notions pinned onto speed. The sort that enjoys their life, one day at a time, one step at a time. I want to be that sort of person.

I Want To Know

Your love has ravished my heart, and taken me over.

All I want is to be with you forever.

So pull me a little closer.

Take me a little deeper.

I want to know your heart.

I want to know your heart.

Because your love is so much sweeter that anything I’ve tasted.

I want to know your heart. 

I want to know your heart. 

-Bethel Music

Life Ramblings

Wow, its been a while since I wrote on this here blog. Thought I would break the silence tonight. I've been working evenings this weekend, which isn't bad, only 12-830. I'm a little tired but not too much. Today was an adventure. I spent some time in the west side, then moved on over to the east side. Then came back to tonawander. It rained on and off all day, but there was still a gorgeous sunset to be had. Then I went to North Blo lol I was everywhere today!
I'm contemplating a dream I had a couple nights ago. Didn't see anything, just heard, in one of my mentors wise voice, 'you will dream dreams.' L.O.L. I've been wanting God-inspired dreams for a long time, and I have one now and then, but I want one of those full color, me and Jesus are walking beside the sea of Galilee type dreams you know? I just find it ironic that even in my sleep God encourages me that it will happen. But man, you know what would be really encouraging? A DREAM lol. ::shrug:: Just more funny than anything.
So it is already October 20th. I'm not sure what to do with that. In the grand scheme of things, it's just another day. In my life, it means I've been home for almost 9 months, and working for almost 8. It means Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and only a little farther beyond, snow. I think time goes really fast when I don't watch it. Well, cheers to contentment in everyday life. Lol just gotta remember that I'm exactly where He wants me, when He wants me there. And I have enjoyed being home :)
So funny story! And then I'll be done :) I was driving on the 33 today and I took the grider exit, and it was raining, so there was a huge puddle/river! Taking it a little too fast, I parted that river like Moses parted the red sea. It was so fun!!! Lol quite the adrenaline rush. Should probably be more careful next time though ;)

Spoiled

Hello blooger world. Let me just start out this...omg I just noticed how I spelled that. I'm gonna leave it in, that is so funny!! Lol anyway, let me regale you with tales from my life.
So my last week was pretty crappy. Work was brutal, I wasn't helping, there were panic attacks, self pity and crying involved lol. I think I was learning some tough lessons. Hard to go into it now, but the jist is God is in control, I'm not, and I need to learn to let things go, compartmentalize, and go with the flow.
So this week, I feel like I'm getting super spoiled lol. I just want to thank God for this week. Work has been so much better. I'm learning how to handle my days, organize and trust that things are really ok, even when they don't feel like it. *ahem* innerhealing...cough.... And then I've been finishing work a little early, I have time to work out, I got to spend time with friends yesterday. And our neighbor made us venison steak today. So good! I love venison. And then I got to see my uncle who is visiting from Texas, and my aunt whom I haven't seen in a while. And my sister and her family!! To top this week off, I am going camping this weekend because my amazing roommate invited me to go with her and her family to this retreat thing near Corning. I am just so blessed. God knows how to give good gifts to his children, and there is only truth in that.

Creativity

So lately God has been speaking to me about creativity. He said go after the things that bring you passion and joy. Being creative with those things will really bring life, vitality and joy. It was really cool. Dave's message friday night also flowed with this theme. Dreaming in times when you don't see anything happening makes it possible for them to happen in the future. Imagination, creativity, joy. This sounds really good for me at this time, because I've been using my left brain a lot, and my creative right brain is shriveling a little. I need to pull out the paints again. And maybe song writing. It's been a while since I did that stuff, and I miss it. I think its time for a little exploration, to remember and cultivate those things that I like being creative with. Time for a little more life and fervor friends!

Storm

So. Good day all. I have the privilege of having my friend Sara stay at my place this weekend. Its good to catch up, she is an awesome person. She was my roommate while I was in China.

So I've been thinking a lot about warfare. And about how Gods timing is perfect. And how I have nothing to fear. I'm wondering how to make my emotions come in line with this revelation, and to trust Him, and rest in Him. It's hard. I want to. My emotions are so blah, so unpredictable, so based on circumstance and uncontrollable scenarios. I'm ready to throw in the towel today, and tomorrow I'll be swinging from the rafters, ready to conquer the world. I guess the trick would be to remain stable and steady through the emotional swings. To trust that I'm still standing on the Rock even when I feel like I'm under the waves. I choose to rest in this scripture tonight -

Ps 91 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the Lord, He is my refuge, and my place of safety. He is my God, and I trust Him.