Monday, March 8, 2010
I am so glad I get to share my thoughts with the world in this way. It is such a great way of communicating my thoughts and feelings, without anxiety that I won't be understood, or that no one will listen. I am important. It's great to put my important thoughts down on e-paper lol. So anyways, I would like to say that I really appreciate all the gifts the Lord has given me. He's given me a heads-up on a couple things, along with a rest and peace about them, so when the proverbial crap hits the fan, I won't be blindsided anyways. It's nice you know, He's a really caring God, and I love Him :) I'd also like to talk about my confidence, or the lack thereof. It is very frustrating to me to be brimming in confidence one day, and then the very next day be fully saturated in my insecurity. I will be confident. Even when I feel afraid, I will be confident. I got that phrase from Joyce Meyer. I am so sick of being afraid. Afraid of stepping out, afraid of being wrong, afraid of what people think, when the only Person I should be caring about is the Lord, and what He thinks of me. I don't even want to think about using my gifts in any other terms but to an audience of One. The Lord has filled me with His Spirit, and so I have no need that anyone should teach me. That doesn't mean I don't accept others' teaching and criticisms. It means that I have the authority of the Holy One to minister, to love, to sing out and play out and LEAD out in worship, and to do it to His love, and His glory, and to not worry how others will react, regardless of whether it's wrong or not. IT IS TIME to step out and lead. Regardless of the consequences. It's time to be bold. It's time to live life to the fullest, and not care what will happen after, to not give it a second thought, or a first. It's time to step out. LET'S DO IT!!!!
Alright. It is morning, the sun is shining, and I am going to try and post something with a clear head today lol. So my friends and I had a royal dress party saturday. We all dressed up in our finest and hung out, ate food, played games and stuff. It was a lot of fun. I invited about 25 people, and only 4 showed up. Normally that would bring me down, because I used to think success was based on numbers, as far as events like that go. But really, we all had fun. The quality of everything was good. So I'd say it was a very successful party. AND we all looked amazing :) Lol so anyways, I just want to thank everyone in my life who bears with me through the rough patches. I'm sure everyone has those times where nothing makes sense, where bad moods seem to rule the day, where nothing gets done and there is no discipline whatsoever to speak of in life. (You ladies out there know what week of the month I'm talking about lol). But no matter the outcome, there are always those people who stick by you no matter what, even in your most prickly moments, and for that I am very grateful. So thanks :)
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I wonder if anyone really reads these. I wonder if anyone really cares. I wonder if I make a difference in anyones life. Will anyone ever search me out and tell me I made a difference in their life? Am I worth anything if I don't? Do I need to make a difference in someone else's life to be worth something? Do I need to lose my identity in order to make a difference in someone else's life? No. I know that one lol. My life is full of expectations that can't be met, dreams that can't be filled. Questions that can't be answered. What do I want?? What do I want? I want life, I want relationship, I want money, I want closeness, I want free, I want love, I want life. What is there besides what I know? What is there besides what I've seen, what I've been told? What is there past what someone older and wiser tells me? Is there more? When will I become the teacher, and no longer the student? When will what I see and know and do be worth anything? When will I see anything worth seeing? My love, I want so much more for you than what you see. I want so much more for you than what I see. I want more. There is not enough here. There is not enough. I want more.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Ha. I hope more posts on this blog are dedicated to not doing things, instead of doing things. Haha. For a blog dedicated to strengths, more and more posts are about not doing anything rather than doing something. Good. That means that even though God gives us incredible gifts, He does not want us to burn ourselves out in using them. Very good. Lol. Ok. So. I am more and more, forever realizing, it seems, that the Lord wants me to sit. To be still. To be still, and know that He is God!! To trust Him. To know that He is GOD, and FATHER of everything, and He will finish all His works to their completion!!!! IT IS NOT MY DUTY TO DO IT!!!!!! I am beginning to understand that it is my Father who finishes the good works, and not me. Because He is a Father, and takes care of everyone. I just get to watch it all :) Lol I'm funny. I'll start a blog when I'm tired, but I'll be exhausted halfway through and it gets harder to write lol. I'll try again during the day ;)