Cheerio!

So how many times have I said that the gifts are awesome? That it makes me feel so good to perform them, to live them out in a way that pleases the Lord? It's true. These are good things. But I feel like I put too much stock in them sometimes. Because no matter how hard I prepare, and work to make sure they are the best that they can be, these gifts are all nothing compared to the work that God can do. In less than a second. Without my help. See, the Lord doesn't need me. He wants me. I think the Lord wants me to be happy in what I do for Him, but I think He also wants me to be happy in who I am, regardless of what I am able to do. I am able to separate who I am from what I do, because He loves me, no matter who I am or what I do. He loves me in sin, and He loves me in righteousness. He loves me in darkness, He loves me in light. He has unconditional love for me, because He loves me. He is a God and Father of love, and there is nothing I can do to stop Him. He loves me always, no matter what. So well, thats all well and good. :)

Backbone

So I was thinking on my drive home from work this morning that I have little to no backbone. When it comes to my opinions, ideas, or just plain thoughts on a subject, I can't express myself without first assessing the possible results of my speaking out. Which is a good habit to get into if you want to keep from accidently hurting or upsetting people. But it's a bad habit when it keeps you from saying anything at all!!! I was at work last night, and very few times during the conversation was I able to bring up what I thought. It's safer that way, keeping what I think hidden, but I don't express myself enough, and that's not good. I think that sometimes, saying my opinion is pointless when it falls on unhearing ears. But I think that other times, when I'm with trusted friends, I should be able to say what I'm thinking, because my thoughts are valid as just that, human thought, and to share them should be ok, even if they're wrong, or make me look stupid. Sometimes I'm afraid, and I over analyze what people will think of me and what I say, or what they will say in return. It's so pointless sometimes! Because you don't know what the other person will say until they say it, and as for what they think, so what??!!! Who are they to judge me?? And if they do, who am I to care??!! Lol can anyone out there tell I am at the end of a long shift? :P Oh well, what are you gonna do, blog universe is my ranting room.

Body parts

Ah. So, here we are, a week and a half later, and I am watching Finding Nemo. My strengths are still here lol. The Lord is showing me how to remain confident in them, even when other people don't think in the same way that I do. He made me unique, so that I can influence other people, and vice versa. People all have different talents. They're like different parts of the same body. Each part of the body has a different function, and all are equally important. Also, though each part of the body has a different function, they all need each other, like the lungs need the heart, and the heart needs the brain. So, with people and their gifts, it's the same way. A person with many thinking talents needs a person around with a lot of people skills, and vice versa. The trick for me is realizing that it's o.k. to be myself, even when the people around me have different talents, and they don't understand mine. Because, more than likely, they will eventually. And if they don't, someone else will. And God, who made me in the first place, will always accept me no matter what my gifts are, or how I use them. It's good to understand that I have different talents, and it's o.k. to use them to the fullest :)

Wounds and people

So, gifts. They are very good. One thing that can stop you from using your gift to the fullest is a wound. An inner wound that taints or colors what you see. Sometimes, it's hard to encourage a person who reminds  you of, say, an old friend who stabbed you in the back. Or a man who reminds you of your father, and your father wasn't a good father. Sometimes it's hard to stay on the subject of love and grace in your mind when all you see is the injustice of a pain that you never healed from. Thats frustrating, especially when you see, as through a fourth eye, your view of things being tainted by those past hurts. It's freeing when the Lord comes in and heals the hurt. It's much easier to minister when you know what you see is not tainted by your past. There's a lot less doubt, and guilt. :)
Another something that can keep you from freely using your gifts is the person you want to give your gift to. If you are trying to encourage someone and all they see is the negative, there isn't much you can do. If the person has been so hurt they can't see straight and are so nervous around you that YOU want to hurl, it kind of blocks the passage of the free gifts of love and compassion. Your love, when viewed through another person's wounded vision, can look like guilt, or pushiness, or simply pain. It is freeing when the Lord comes in, and so saturates the person in His love, that the person starts to understand the love that is coming from you. That the love is good, and free, and full of joy, and freedom, and hope. I have seen this happen, where when I prayed, God completely turned a person around. She was bitter, unforgiving, hateful toward herself, and un-accepting of love. Now she is moving toward forgiveness, acceptance of herself, and she is able to give and receive love more freely. Now, she has not arrived at the end of the journey; no one has. But to see a transformation such as hers is such an encouragement to me, because I know I can and will see God do this again and again in others. I am so thankful that it is not up to me to change people! I know my God will do the work because He is capable, and willing! His love changes things!

Oohhhh Maaaaann!!!

I love, I love, I LOVE using my gifts!!! They make me feel sooo happy, so blessed, and God is so proud of me!!! I love feeling His presence around me, in me. He is the best Father!!! So I encouraged a person yesterday, really and truly developed them. And then I included people, was positive towards them and really just kind of bubbled joy around them, and I was ecstatic! If ecstasy is a place, then I was there! Lol very much exuberance yes you read correctly. If fulfilling my destiny is in using my gifts, then I love my job!!! lolol :D I want to clarify also, that there was no faking involved. Sometimes in order to be a certain way or to do something, especially at church, that I feel that I am supposed to be or do, I used to fake it when there was something else going on beneath the surface, some worry or issue. But not last night baby!!! That was all God, using me, to spread His joy like wild fire!!! And I loved it :)

I am ready.

So there is a monumental shift occurring in my life, and I don't know what everything means. I do know it will be good, and different, and will offer me a full opportunity to use my gifts in a way that pleases God. I am scared, shaken, but steady on the Lord, and He knows my heart. He knows where to direct me, what pattern to play, what button to push. I trust that He is putting me in the right place, at the right time. I am ready.

Mmmm...relaxation.

Today has been a wonderful, uneventful day. In spite of the strengths that God has given me, and the responsibility that goes with it, I have relaxed and done nothing with them almost all day. I went to the gym, came home, and read a book. I'm coming to the realization that these days are just as important as those days spent in prayer and in building people up. If I don't have it, I can't give it, basically. Rest days, refill days, whatever you want to call them, are good. Very good. :)

In other news, I am talking to a couple people this week that may be able to set me up in a place where I can really develop people my own age, and a little younger. I am believing God to put me in the right place. Thank You Jesus! More to come :)

Grace :)

So I've decided it's very important to practice giving grace to those people who do not possess my giftings. For those of you who never grew up with church lingo, that means that I shouldn't murder someone because they don't think or act like I do. Pretty standard right? Well, it gets harder when good friends don't know how to include you in conversation, or be positive about a situation you're in, stuff like that. Stuff I normally do for other people. Or when people don't understand how I got to a certain conclusion with my strategic thinking, call me crazy, and then 20 minutes later, come up with the same conclusion and word it differently. ::shrug:: I don't know, it hasn't bothered me a whole lot until now, but I am working on letting it go, and I'm going to God for comfort and grace. He knows me better than anyone, and He knows just how to include me and encourage me. He's my best friend :) Peace.

My Top 5

So here they are: my top 5 strengths:
1). Developer- I see the potential in people and enjoy developing the person so their potential is reached.
2). Strategic- I think in a way that exposes many possible options to follow in a situation. I also tend to see what's coming.
3). Includer- I like to make sure everyone is included.
4). Positivity- duh. lol.
5). Discipline- also duh.

So I am really a people person, and I accept that about myself. I'll be able to use these gifts by planting myself around people, whether few or many, and watch them develop over time. My gifts really work together to do this. My next step here is to really get to know myself better, and to tell other people, i.e. my leaders at church, so that I can be put in a place where I'm able to move in these gifts. It's where I am most happy :)