Down to the wire...

So here I am. It is Wednesday, July 28TH. Oh. My. Goodness. I am going to Asia in, count them, 27 days. Wow. Well, ok. Starting to get a little nervous lol. This is when I break out the, "God will never leave me or forsake me' and 'Behold, I am with you always, even til the end of the age,' scriptures. :P I am going to be ok, I will not forget my family and friends, and I am going to jump in with both feet into the destiny God has for me. I am ready because He is with me!! <3

Wow today is awesome :)

Have I mentioned just how much I love meeting a group of new friends that have the same goals and bent that I do? These new Christian folk, that concentrate themselves around Lima NY, are pretty much another part of my family I am just starting to get to know, and now that I'm a little less afraid than I was at first, it's really starting to be a fun time, just being around them. Yay Campus Target!! :D So our prayer meeting for China was really good today, we prayed for us, our new friends, the stateside team, money stuff and this summer, and we also prayed that God would help us to remain in Him, in His love and His peace as we go out support raising, etc.. If you're reading this I would ask you to pray for these things also, that the Lord's will would be done here and overseas. Thanks!! Bye for now :P

Germany v England...the GI version...

Haha so some friends and I were playing soccer, mm, pardon me, football, yesterday, on Grand Island. It was hot, humid, and sticky. Luckily it started raining in the first half. We all had the perfect shoes for rain. Cody and Alex were the most notorious for skiing, with their sneakers through the wet grass lol. It was very entertaining to watch. My team was England. The other team was Germany. We lost 10-7. Nuff said.

Drip, Drip, Drip

Well, I haven't written in a while, so here I am, chillin, still wet from my morning swim :) I've decided to talk about Asia today, as that is where I am going to spend my life for an upcoming year :) I wish there was a way to make a typed smile shaky, bc thats what it should have been lol. I am scared, nervous, and excited to be going to Asia and dedicating this next year of my life in service to the Lord there. I don't know what it will bring, I don't know what will happen there. But I do know that God is leading, directing, and guiding me, because He is the One who chose me for this in the first place. I don't know why He chose me, but I do know He trusts me. He is an amazing God, One I am very glad I am sharing my life with :)

So, another day in the life of me. Me me me. I'm going to enjoy this lovely weather today, as the forecast actually predicted thunderstorms. :) I love weather people. So now that I have my mind back (sort of), I think I shall go on an adventure. Cheerio!!

Chillin with Stevie Wonder makes a great morning...

So I love sleep. I've decided that without sleep there would be no life. No good life anyways. When you sleep, you turn off all the processes your mind was participating in during the day. Problems you were trying to work through are forced onto the back burner. Spiritual healing God is working inside you continues, but you don't have to feel anything for 8 hours! And in the morning, when you wake up, you can keep everything at bay for a little while. When you do take these processes and problems out again, you can do so one at a time, and with a new perspective. Things are much more likely to get solved that way. And God continues working, and loving, and you continue processing. He's, like, a big God ;)

God Bless America

So this is the day that the sun is shining on. It is beautiful, and I am inside relaxing doing China letters, listening to the birds, and any new music I can get my hands on lol. God is still preparing me for China, in ways that I don't want to mention right now. Oh, have I mentioned that previously? I'm going to China for 10 months, preparations are in full swing, and I am taking the opportunity to enjoy every moment of my American life before I go. Sure I complain about the normal stuff, but it doesn't mean this country isn't a part of me, or that I won't miss it. It's my home, and I'll be back! But for right now I'm here enjoyin the life :)

Easy Peezy Lemon Squeezy

So have I ever mentioned that trusting God is the most amazing, hard-to-do but easiest-results ever thing in the world? For example, everyone has character issues, including me. So when you do your part, (read the word, spend time with Him, etc.), He fixes you! It doesn't feel good all the time, but He's the man you know?? He takes me, imperfect, human me, and then purifies me like gold. And all I have to do is trust him!!! L.O.L!!!! It's crazy, but the bible says it over and over. If you believeth in Me...if you would put your trust in Me...if you would lean on Me...and thats it! No pre-reqs, just trust. And thats ok with me. Thats ok :)

Musings

So wow. The difference between soul and spirit and flesh is amazing. I feel like, when I woke up this morning I was fully in the spirit, in the Spirit, sharing God's views on dream world, how everything is free and flowing and unhindered creatively.  I was loving it, being in His arms and sharing His thoughts. But then as my body woke up, by flesh and soul, my body went through changes like having all three in it at once; body, soul and spirit. I don't think the other two were removed before, only resting. But I don't know, I kind of like the soul and body asleep! No worries, no cares, no religion, no order of doing things, just freeeeeeeedom. It was so freedom-like and amazing. I am blessed to know such an amazing God who can bring me to the place dividing flesh and spirit and allow me to run free. I am loved, picked up and thrown around by a God, a Daddy who loves me, loves to play with me! In this dream world of fun and games. It's like He's making up for all those lost years of my childhood, when my Daddy didn't toss me around and play. When I didn't know God well enough to believe He was my Daddy. I am free. The Lord is taking certain measures, certain precautions to believe so, to make it free. He is taking more patience for me than I am. When I woke up in the spirit I didn't want the rest of me to wake up. But God had bigger plans that included me waking up and healing, body and soul. I wonder if I have any spirit wounds. It doesn't seem so but, how am I supposed to know? I think I'm good :) But anyway, to close, I just want to say keep your minds and hearts open, to see God show you something radically different than what you were seeing before. He will show you something amazing, believe me! :)

Freedom Post

Wow. Sounds like a newspaper. From freedom to grace, from sanity to freedom, we give our lives to the Lord. From freedom to grace, from sanity to freedom, we turn our eyes forward, to the prize, to the great and lasting presence of Your Holy Name. Freedom. Freedom Lord Jesus, as You fall from on high to hear our every plea, our every cry. Freedom, oh Lord, as You freely fly from us to You. Freedom Lord, as You fall down from above. Freedom Lord. Freedom Lord, for Your Love. Freedom Lord, for Your grace. Freedom Lord, for Your running embrace. FREEDOM!!!!!!FREEDOM!!!!!!!FREEDOM!!!!!!!!! More Lord. Freedom Lord. Freedem Lord. Free dem Lord. Free 'em Lord. Free them :) More. Free. More.

Freedom people!!

Wow people are amazing. It's incredible just how strong their emotions are, and how vulnerable they can be.
My friend, it's ok to be who you are!
God loves you that way, and I love you too.
My friend, lets always be good friends.
Let's always have our times together, our loves together.
Lets always go shopping, or trailing the beach on a hot day.
Lets always go riding, freedom banners flying out behind.
Let's always be free, free to let the wind take us and be our guide.
Free to be free. Free to be free.

My Love

Love. Simply love as it falls down from above.
Love, simply love as it cascades down and brings bliss from the abyss.
From love it comes, flowers and pussy willows and horses and the loveliest things you ever saw. Breathing, blessing, friendship, sweet dreamless sleep, hallelujah choruses as they rise up and down like waves on the sea.
Blessed, blessed love as it falls, full, deep, in, and out.
Blessed love as it falls, creeps, stirs, winds, presents Itself to you like a thief in the night.
When, when, when???!!!! it cries as it waits. And blesses. And refreshes.
My friend, when will you accept?
When will you accept?
My friend, when will you welcome with open arms my Love, in it's freshest state, in its freedom,  in its knowledge of you.
For I love you, says the Lord, and I will never let you go. Never, never, never, will I let you go for you are Mine. And I am yours :)

Peace :)

I am going to have a little chat with my brain. Thought you might want to listen in ;)
Brain: I thought you wanted to do this! Why are you letting other people change what you want to do?
Me: Who cares?
Brain: Your personality and your self is being crushed by someone with a bigger will than yours. Do you really want to let that happen?
Me: Hey listen, I am who I am regardless of what I do. I choose to do what I like. If thats the same as someone else, it's ok. If it's not, thats ok too!
Brain: But what about your individuality?
Me: I'm still an individual. I still choose what I like and dislike. I'm still me :) It just means I will be able to agree and disagree with people as I choose. It also means I can change my mind. The only thing I have to be careful of is disagreeing when I disagree. To be true to myself. But otherwise I'm good :)
Brain: ::smoke::
Me: :)

So I'm loved. No matter what I do, no matter who agrees with me or who I disagree with. I'm loved.

Out with the old...

Hello my fellow bloggers and followers, how are you today?? I am doing well, thank you, though my legs and rear are complaining loudly about the two hours of basketball I just put them through lol. Well, no pain no gain! Anyways, I think God has me in this place right now where, He hasn't left. Not in the slightest. The Lord says "I will never leave or forsake you," and "Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." So He hasn't left. But it feels like He took off my training wheels. Let me explain. Pretend you're in your first day of a new job. If its a good workplace, someone will take you through it step by step, and shadow you for at least the rest of the week, so you get comfortable in your own skin doing your job. Thats where I was. Now it feels like that second week on the job, where you're on your own and it's all up to you. See, my heavenly Dad has taken me through the ropes. He's healed me, directed me, taught, comforted, and blessed me immensely, overwhelmingly even. And now He's asking me to step out. To be me. And be comfortable with that, without Him holding my hand 24/7. This doesn't mean He's backed away completely, or that He doesn't comfort me. He does all those things. But He's being a good parent. He's allowing me to spread my own wings, to live life, to gain confidence in myself as I lean on Him. He's not asking me to stay at home you know? He's encouraging me, telling me, to go out and live my own life. I know whats up. I know who I am, I know who He is, and I know what Love is. And I know what to do with all those things. :) Life is good! Scary, but good :)

Ahhh...

I have not blogged in a while. A lot has happened. I love Love. God is good! Amen. lol

Let's roll!!!

I am so glad I get to share my thoughts with the world in this way. It is such a great way of communicating my thoughts and feelings, without anxiety that I won't be understood, or that no one will listen. I am important. It's great to put my important thoughts down on e-paper lol. So anyways, I would like to say that I really appreciate all the gifts the Lord has given me. He's given me a heads-up on a couple things, along with a rest and peace about them, so when the proverbial crap hits the fan, I won't be blindsided anyways. It's nice you know, He's a really caring God, and I love Him :) I'd also like to talk about my confidence, or the lack thereof. It is very frustrating to me to be brimming in confidence one day, and then the very next day be fully saturated in my insecurity. I will be confident. Even when I feel afraid, I will be confident. I got that phrase from Joyce Meyer. I am so sick of being afraid. Afraid of stepping out, afraid of being wrong, afraid of what people think, when the only Person I should be caring about is the Lord, and what He thinks of me. I don't even want to think about using my gifts in any other terms but to an audience of One. The Lord has filled me with His Spirit, and so I have no need that anyone should teach me. That doesn't mean I don't accept others' teaching and criticisms. It means that I have the authority of the Holy One to minister, to love, to sing out and play out and LEAD out in worship, and to do it to His love, and His glory, and to not worry how others will react, regardless of whether it's wrong or not. IT IS TIME to step out and lead. Regardless of the consequences. It's time to be bold. It's time to live life to the fullest, and not care what will happen after, to not give it a second thought, or a first. It's time to step out. LET'S DO IT!!!!

Dress Party :)

Alright. It is morning, the sun is shining, and I am going to try and post something with a clear head today lol. So my friends and I had a royal dress party saturday. We all dressed up in our finest and hung out, ate food, played games and stuff. It was a lot of fun. I invited about 25 people, and only 4 showed up. Normally that would bring me down, because I used to think success was based on numbers, as far as events like that go. But really, we all had fun. The quality of everything was good. So I'd say it was a very successful party. AND we all looked amazing :) Lol so anyways, I just want to thank everyone in my life who bears with me through the rough patches. I'm sure everyone has those times where nothing makes sense, where bad moods seem to rule the day, where nothing gets done and there is no discipline whatsoever to speak of in life. (You ladies out there know what week of the month I'm talking about lol). But no matter the outcome, there are always those people who stick by you no matter what, even in your most prickly moments, and for that I am very grateful. So thanks :)

Midnight Reality

I wonder if anyone really reads these. I wonder if anyone really cares. I wonder if I make a difference in anyones life. Will anyone ever search me out and tell me I made a difference in their life? Am I worth anything if I don't? Do I need to make a difference in someone else's life to be worth something? Do I need to lose my identity in order to make a difference in someone else's life? No. I know that one lol. My life is full of expectations that can't be met, dreams that can't be filled. Questions that can't be answered. What do I want?? What do I want? I want life, I want relationship, I want money, I want closeness, I want free, I want love, I want life. What is there besides what I know? What is there besides what I've seen, what I've been told? What is there past what someone older and wiser tells me? Is there more? When will I become the teacher, and no longer the student? When will what I see and know and do be worth anything? When will I see anything worth seeing? My love, I want so much more for you than what you see. I want so much more for you than what I see. I want more. There is not enough here. There is not enough. I want more.

Relax...

Ha. I hope more posts on this blog are dedicated to not doing things, instead of doing things. Haha. For a blog dedicated to strengths, more and more posts are about not doing anything rather than doing something. Good. That means that even though God gives us incredible gifts, He does not want us to burn ourselves out in using them. Very good. Lol. Ok. So. I am more and more, forever realizing, it seems, that the Lord wants me to sit. To be still. To be still, and know that He is God!! To trust Him. To know that He is GOD, and FATHER of everything, and He will finish all His works to their completion!!!! IT IS NOT MY DUTY TO DO IT!!!!!! I am beginning to understand that it is my Father who finishes the good works, and not me. Because He is a Father, and takes care of everyone. I just get to watch it all :) Lol I'm funny. I'll start a blog when I'm tired, but I'll be exhausted halfway through and it gets harder to write lol. I'll try again during the day ;)

Cheerio!

So how many times have I said that the gifts are awesome? That it makes me feel so good to perform them, to live them out in a way that pleases the Lord? It's true. These are good things. But I feel like I put too much stock in them sometimes. Because no matter how hard I prepare, and work to make sure they are the best that they can be, these gifts are all nothing compared to the work that God can do. In less than a second. Without my help. See, the Lord doesn't need me. He wants me. I think the Lord wants me to be happy in what I do for Him, but I think He also wants me to be happy in who I am, regardless of what I am able to do. I am able to separate who I am from what I do, because He loves me, no matter who I am or what I do. He loves me in sin, and He loves me in righteousness. He loves me in darkness, He loves me in light. He has unconditional love for me, because He loves me. He is a God and Father of love, and there is nothing I can do to stop Him. He loves me always, no matter what. So well, thats all well and good. :)

Backbone

So I was thinking on my drive home from work this morning that I have little to no backbone. When it comes to my opinions, ideas, or just plain thoughts on a subject, I can't express myself without first assessing the possible results of my speaking out. Which is a good habit to get into if you want to keep from accidently hurting or upsetting people. But it's a bad habit when it keeps you from saying anything at all!!! I was at work last night, and very few times during the conversation was I able to bring up what I thought. It's safer that way, keeping what I think hidden, but I don't express myself enough, and that's not good. I think that sometimes, saying my opinion is pointless when it falls on unhearing ears. But I think that other times, when I'm with trusted friends, I should be able to say what I'm thinking, because my thoughts are valid as just that, human thought, and to share them should be ok, even if they're wrong, or make me look stupid. Sometimes I'm afraid, and I over analyze what people will think of me and what I say, or what they will say in return. It's so pointless sometimes! Because you don't know what the other person will say until they say it, and as for what they think, so what??!!! Who are they to judge me?? And if they do, who am I to care??!! Lol can anyone out there tell I am at the end of a long shift? :P Oh well, what are you gonna do, blog universe is my ranting room.

Body parts

Ah. So, here we are, a week and a half later, and I am watching Finding Nemo. My strengths are still here lol. The Lord is showing me how to remain confident in them, even when other people don't think in the same way that I do. He made me unique, so that I can influence other people, and vice versa. People all have different talents. They're like different parts of the same body. Each part of the body has a different function, and all are equally important. Also, though each part of the body has a different function, they all need each other, like the lungs need the heart, and the heart needs the brain. So, with people and their gifts, it's the same way. A person with many thinking talents needs a person around with a lot of people skills, and vice versa. The trick for me is realizing that it's o.k. to be myself, even when the people around me have different talents, and they don't understand mine. Because, more than likely, they will eventually. And if they don't, someone else will. And God, who made me in the first place, will always accept me no matter what my gifts are, or how I use them. It's good to understand that I have different talents, and it's o.k. to use them to the fullest :)

Wounds and people

So, gifts. They are very good. One thing that can stop you from using your gift to the fullest is a wound. An inner wound that taints or colors what you see. Sometimes, it's hard to encourage a person who reminds  you of, say, an old friend who stabbed you in the back. Or a man who reminds you of your father, and your father wasn't a good father. Sometimes it's hard to stay on the subject of love and grace in your mind when all you see is the injustice of a pain that you never healed from. Thats frustrating, especially when you see, as through a fourth eye, your view of things being tainted by those past hurts. It's freeing when the Lord comes in and heals the hurt. It's much easier to minister when you know what you see is not tainted by your past. There's a lot less doubt, and guilt. :)
Another something that can keep you from freely using your gifts is the person you want to give your gift to. If you are trying to encourage someone and all they see is the negative, there isn't much you can do. If the person has been so hurt they can't see straight and are so nervous around you that YOU want to hurl, it kind of blocks the passage of the free gifts of love and compassion. Your love, when viewed through another person's wounded vision, can look like guilt, or pushiness, or simply pain. It is freeing when the Lord comes in, and so saturates the person in His love, that the person starts to understand the love that is coming from you. That the love is good, and free, and full of joy, and freedom, and hope. I have seen this happen, where when I prayed, God completely turned a person around. She was bitter, unforgiving, hateful toward herself, and un-accepting of love. Now she is moving toward forgiveness, acceptance of herself, and she is able to give and receive love more freely. Now, she has not arrived at the end of the journey; no one has. But to see a transformation such as hers is such an encouragement to me, because I know I can and will see God do this again and again in others. I am so thankful that it is not up to me to change people! I know my God will do the work because He is capable, and willing! His love changes things!

Oohhhh Maaaaann!!!

I love, I love, I LOVE using my gifts!!! They make me feel sooo happy, so blessed, and God is so proud of me!!! I love feeling His presence around me, in me. He is the best Father!!! So I encouraged a person yesterday, really and truly developed them. And then I included people, was positive towards them and really just kind of bubbled joy around them, and I was ecstatic! If ecstasy is a place, then I was there! Lol very much exuberance yes you read correctly. If fulfilling my destiny is in using my gifts, then I love my job!!! lolol :D I want to clarify also, that there was no faking involved. Sometimes in order to be a certain way or to do something, especially at church, that I feel that I am supposed to be or do, I used to fake it when there was something else going on beneath the surface, some worry or issue. But not last night baby!!! That was all God, using me, to spread His joy like wild fire!!! And I loved it :)

I am ready.

So there is a monumental shift occurring in my life, and I don't know what everything means. I do know it will be good, and different, and will offer me a full opportunity to use my gifts in a way that pleases God. I am scared, shaken, but steady on the Lord, and He knows my heart. He knows where to direct me, what pattern to play, what button to push. I trust that He is putting me in the right place, at the right time. I am ready.

Mmmm...relaxation.

Today has been a wonderful, uneventful day. In spite of the strengths that God has given me, and the responsibility that goes with it, I have relaxed and done nothing with them almost all day. I went to the gym, came home, and read a book. I'm coming to the realization that these days are just as important as those days spent in prayer and in building people up. If I don't have it, I can't give it, basically. Rest days, refill days, whatever you want to call them, are good. Very good. :)

In other news, I am talking to a couple people this week that may be able to set me up in a place where I can really develop people my own age, and a little younger. I am believing God to put me in the right place. Thank You Jesus! More to come :)

Grace :)

So I've decided it's very important to practice giving grace to those people who do not possess my giftings. For those of you who never grew up with church lingo, that means that I shouldn't murder someone because they don't think or act like I do. Pretty standard right? Well, it gets harder when good friends don't know how to include you in conversation, or be positive about a situation you're in, stuff like that. Stuff I normally do for other people. Or when people don't understand how I got to a certain conclusion with my strategic thinking, call me crazy, and then 20 minutes later, come up with the same conclusion and word it differently. ::shrug:: I don't know, it hasn't bothered me a whole lot until now, but I am working on letting it go, and I'm going to God for comfort and grace. He knows me better than anyone, and He knows just how to include me and encourage me. He's my best friend :) Peace.

My Top 5

So here they are: my top 5 strengths:
1). Developer- I see the potential in people and enjoy developing the person so their potential is reached.
2). Strategic- I think in a way that exposes many possible options to follow in a situation. I also tend to see what's coming.
3). Includer- I like to make sure everyone is included.
4). Positivity- duh. lol.
5). Discipline- also duh.

So I am really a people person, and I accept that about myself. I'll be able to use these gifts by planting myself around people, whether few or many, and watch them develop over time. My gifts really work together to do this. My next step here is to really get to know myself better, and to tell other people, i.e. my leaders at church, so that I can be put in a place where I'm able to move in these gifts. It's where I am most happy :)

The Beginning

Well, I figure I had better start this off right. I wanted to create a blog to document on my strengths. You see many many people tend to focus on their weaknesses, and how to improve them. Well, I say why not focus on your strengths? You'll get much farther with them if you truly try to grow in them. So, I am going to start blogging about my strengths, what they are and how I am using them. I believe that the more I figure out what these strengths are, and the more I use them in a powerful way, the more I will feel and truly be fulfilled as a person. I will also be that much closer to fulfilling my destiny here on this earth. I mean, I'm here, I might as well live life to the fullest right?? :) More to come.